Bluebird's Nest

A couple of people have asked me “how did you find childcare?” and “how did you know that childcare was going to treat your baby well?”. This blog post will hopefully answer some of these questions.

Research first

The first thing I did was research. You want to know about the ins and outs of licensed vs unlicensed. Unlicensed usually means that they have less kids to look after, it’s home based and it can be cheaper. If you go with unlicensed, you want to ensure that their daycare is safe, clean and well maintained.

If you go with licensed, you will have the peace of mind that the daycare will have at bare minimum a yearly inspection and the daycare is required to meet certain criteria. These establishments can be in the home or in a facility. They generally will have more kids per adult.

Ask for references in all cases whether it’s licensed or not.

More info on choosing childcare here. 

Where do I look for daycares?

You could look online (I didn’t find very many websites out there for daycares in Victoria – a possible market for daycare websites?). Or go to Usedvictoria.com. I heard that some people have had good success with usedvic, but we didn’t go this route.

I went straight to CCRR. Their mission “Victoria Child Care Resource and Referral, in partnership with the community, strives to enhance the availability and accessibility of a range of quality child care options and services to meet the needs of children, families, and child care providers.”

Here you can fill out a free online form to request all the different types of childcare that are located in Great Victoria. I believe there is also something similar for different parts of Vancouver Island.

Once you fill in the form, you will receive an email back quite quickly giving you a list of all the childcare that is in the areas you specified. And a bunch of helpful information on how to determine good daycares. All free.

Within that information you will find a lot of info pertaining to each daycare: contact info, address, hours, license type, price, what kinds of activities the children do on a typical day, training from the provider, availability, and sometimes the provider will write a small helpful write up on a day in the life at the facility. Keep in mind this info might not be completely up to date.

What do I do next?

Critique all the daycares that were sent to you. Do they watch TV? Do they have ECE training (Early Childhood Education Training), is that important to you? Do they do training to keep their skills up? Do they do a fair amount of activities, crafts, music, dance, etc…? Do they go outside? Do they do out trips?

Narrow down your search and then you must phone them. This is the most daunting part. And if you think about it, daycares during the day are usually busy tending to children, so they most likely won’t answer the phone. LEAVE A MESSAGE. Record on your sheet those that you left a message for, so you can go back later and call them again if they didn’t get back to you. It could take them several days to get back to you. Don’t get discouraged.

Ask them some questions as outlined on this document. Ask them if they have space, and if they don’t, GET ON THEIR WAITLIST if they have one. There’s no harm. The worst that’s going to happen is they are going to call you back and you already have childcare by that time and then you say “no thank you”.

Don’t be alarmed if they ask if your child is a boy or a girl. Some daycares want to have a good mix of the different genders. This is allowed.

Viewing the daycare

If they do have space, arrange to view their establishment. Take this checklist with you. You’ll want to prepare for two visits. One when there are children present to see how the provider works with the children. And then one when there are no children present (usually after hours) when you would fill in the paperwork.

Do not skip this step of viewing the establishment! I can tell you we went and viewed a licensed daycare which was located in a coop after hours. The provider looked like she hadn’t had a shower for a week. The space where the kids played was their living room on couches from the 60s. Downstairs there was a concrete play area with no windows. There was a school across the street but her backyard was only dirt and so very small. We hightailed it out of there after only about 15mins.

I was very surprised that this place passed a licensed daycare!

When you’re at the daycare you want to come prepared to ask a lot of questions. I used this sheet for the questions. Don’t worry, the provider is used to it. And by the way, the provider is also sizing you up at the same time to ensure your family is a good fit for the daycare. Best behaviour y’all!

TIP: Bring your child when he/she is fully rested and fed.

Decision time

So you’ve got all this information now gathered, you’re nervous about going back to work, leaving your baby, and now you have to make a really hard decision. Which daycare do you go with (hopefully there are a couple to chose from).

The best course at this point is to call Daycare Licensing (if you’ve chosen a licensed daycare) – 250-519-3401. This is another bonus for choosing a licensed daycare. When you call them, you can let them know that you have a few daycares you would like some more info on. They usually will put you through to the licensing officer for each daycare. This officer can then go through with you the different visits they have made, how attentive the provider has been to making fixes (if needed), and the best part is they can tell you if the establishment has had any issues. Now, for privacy reasons they can’t tell you what issues they have had. One of the drawbacks though is that if the daycare has had an issue (lets say a neighbour calls in to say that the daycare is too loud), this will show up as an issue and the licensing officer can’t tell you what the issue is so it leaves you with a sense of, is this place really ok?

I can tell you from my experience that, the place we ended up putting our wee babe was a licensed place with zero issues.

I can also tell you that I had called for 3 other places and one of the places was pretty terrible (not my coop nightmare, I didn’t even call for that one).

Lastly, make sure you call those references! I’m sure they all are going to make glowing recommendations of the daycare but it’s great to finally get a first hand recommendation. Then you get to hear how loving, kind, gentle, and fun the provider is! Almost the best part of the process IMHO.

Next steps

Let the daycare know that you’ve chosen them (and let the other daycares know you didn’t chose them) and fill in the necessary paperwork and deposit.

Start your little bean on a gradual entrance to the daycare to get them warmed up (this is also for your separation anxiety too!!). The daycare is more than likely very used to new children and new parents leaving their children so they should be very accommodating and understanding.

Final thoughts…

Finding daycare is probably one of the most difficult, emotional things a parent can go through with many ups and downs (I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have shed some tears through this experience. At one point we had everything all lined up, just needed to go sign the paperwork and then the daycare provider called me to say she was having health issues and might have to shut the daycare down. I had to start my search all over again from the beginning! So frustrating.). I’d chalk it up to planning a wedding! It’s not easy. It’s time consuming. There are set backs. But in the end if you do all the leg work, you will find yourself with a wonderful daycare, perfect for you and your child.

There is a tonne of good information located here that helped me immensely. Don’t skip reading all of it.

Good luck! You’re going to find the perfect place.

Side note

If anyone is interested in starting a side business with me on doing all this leg work for parents (save for visiting the facilities), let me know. I’ve always thought that this would be the perfect business to get going as it just takes so much time to do all the research! Imagine if you as a parent could just pay someone to look for all the daycares, set up appointments for you to go and visit, call the licensing, call references if you really didn’t want to do that, all for a small fee. How wonderful would that be!!

I attended my first English speaking mom and babe group yesterday. I had such a great time meeting other moms!

I walked down to the church where it was held. Only about a 10 minute walk, where I was warmly welcomed by the woman who runs the show.

Upon entering, I scoped the scene. There were craft tables and the stations on the floor where the littler ones could play. I put the wee babe down so she could cruise through the toys.

The place began to fill up with moms (and one dad) and kids ranging from 8 months (that was us, we were the youngest) to 5 years. The wee babe happily played with the toys and even when a boy yanked out the toy she was playing with, she didn’t cry. Not yet at least. Guess that comes later.

I eagerly chatted with the other moms. I hoped that I didn’t appear too desperate for a friend.

There were some commonalities among the woman:

• Either them or the husbands worked for Nestle (not all mind you, just the majority).
• A lot of them have been here for 6 years.
• A lot of them had a British accent. (With the exception of 2 Americans, a woman from Dubai, a woman from South Africa and an Ozzie)
• A lot of them couldn’t speak French but were in classes.
• The ones that had school age children as well, weren’t going to the local French school (like the tweenager) but were going to an International school for English speaking children.
• All of them were permanently here (I was the only temporary one).

I got a chance to meet and chat with probably 10 out of the 12ish parents there. I found myself asking everyone the same questions. How long have you been here? Do you speak French? Who are your children? What brought you here? Where do you live?

The Ozzie I met fascinated me though. I think it was maybe because my best friend has 5 kids and this woman has 5 kids and she packed up ship and moved here permanently. Never to return to Australia again (unless it’s for a holiday.) Her husband owns his own software business. I asked her if it was hard and expensive to bring everything over here. She said it was but that everyone in her family was much happier in Switzerland than in Australia. I guess here they have a bigger yard and house and the school is much better.

Something else that really struck me was that all the families just packed up where they were living and took off to Switzerland to live forever. I mean it’s not completely out of left field but they all had done this coupled with the fact that none of them know French, that must have been really challenging for them. They all did seem like strong women though so I guess it makes sense. Still, I found myself admiring them for being so brave.

Some other things that were mentioned on more than one occasion:

• you can get by here without knowing French (except for the doctor’s office),
• it seems to be a lot safer place for kids to grow up,
• and the general consensus was that it was a great place for the kids to grow up.

Everyone was really nice. I wished that we had name tags though as I’m never going to remember everyone’s names!! I wished that I could have made a connection right away so that maybe I was meeting someone for a coffee/play date this week or even just a walk around the neighbourhood but I guess it was a bit early. Again, desperation is not what I was going for.

All in all I had a great time and can’t wait to go back next Wednesday.

Tonight’s blog is written from a raw place in my heart. Tonight my wee babe went for her first ever sleepover to my in-law’s place. We’re doing this as a trial for her (and me) to see how it goes and get her used to sleeping at their house as we have two upcoming weddings that we are attending and if you know anything about Swiss weddings, they go until around 4 am. No kidding.

So today has been heavy day. All day long I’ve known that around 6pm, I need to part ways with my wee babe and hand her over to her very capable grandparents. I’ve been dreading it. Not because I’m worried about them but because I’m worried about her and how much I know it’s me who can sooth her when everyone else can’t. And trust me, there are times every night that she gets fussy and it’s only me who can calm her down. So what’s she going to do? Explode? I guess in my head, I’ve maybe built it up to be something like that.

So we drop her off. Hugs, snuggles, cuddles, one last breast feed, one last smile, one last giggle. And as we leave she makes a little whine and I make a little whine, knowing that I’m not going to see her until tomorrow and knowing that she doesn’t know that or know what’s in store for her.

I miss her immediately. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way as I’ve already done this once before when my tweenager was a baby but I guess I forget about how I’ve already passed these feelings 11 years ago.

We head home (the 3 of us) and we have dinner. All through dinner I’m thinking about her. But I don’t say anything to my family as I don’t want to seem ridiculous and lame to them. Immediately following dinner I ask my hubby to call his parents and see how she is. Something inside of me is saying don’t listen in case she’s crying. I just don’t think I can take it. And wouldn’t you know it, she is crying.

I think maybe the hardest part was the fact that everything that was said about how she was feeling was said in French, so I’m constantly asking my hubby, what did they say? What’s going on? Did she eat the carrots? Did she drink her bottle? Are her pajama’s on? And the lag in translation was killing me. It seriously was all too much for me and I broke down. Come on. Let’s be honest here. We all knew it was going to happen anyway from the beginning of this story.

We take a break and call them back in a bit. And she’s still crying. At this point I’m wondering if maybe it was too early for her (and me). Should we go over there and pick her up? What am I feeling about that? A failure? What’s going to happen on Saturday night when I NEED them to look after her? Am I just being a pussy and over reacting? Maybe I just need a good cry.

And then she stops. Ok, she stopped enough for the tweenager to break into “Baby Beluga” and wouldn’t you know it, she’s looking for the voice that’s coming from the computer. (By the way, we’re skyping so we can see her but we haven’t turned on our camera so we don’t scar her by seeing us.) She was still a bit whiny and so I decided to add my voice to Baby Beluga but when I started singing it, more tears came. Then the hubby started crying so that got me going even more (I might be crying while I write this).  Then the part in the song where they say “Is your momma home…” I can’t even get through it without crying. The look in her eyes is priceless. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them so huge since I’ve known here. Like the cat in Shrek. Come pick me up, their beckoning to me.

So she was still a bit whiny and standing up usually solves this for her. Sit down = she cries. Stand up = she stops. Go figure, it’s pretty annoying. So I make a joke to papinou (grandpa) why don’t you stand up, dance and sing to the little angel. I feel like we’ve told them all the little quirks that make her happy so what’s one more thing. Hold her like this so her fingers are free so she can put them in her mouth, stand up, sing to her, dance, flap your arms in the air, do some jumping jacks, etc… you get the idea.

Papinou get’s up and throws on a dance CD. Where’d her get that from? And on top of it, it has graphics for the TV too so the wee babe is transfixed. He puts down the computer so we can see him holding her, dancing. It’s freaking AWESOME! The tears are gone, and now I’m smiling from ear to ear. No more tears from anyone – my face actually hurt from the smiling and laughing. We’re laughing and the wee babe is dancing with papinou to some crazy disco song. Oh man. Then the tweenager grabs the flip mino and get’s almost all of it on video. I need to get papinou to sign the release forms first before I can post this on YouTube though. Stand by.

The song is over and we decide to leave on a good note. Papinou is moved to tears which gets the hubby crying again which sends me into another blubblerfest. Enough said.

Was I ready? I think so. Just on the edge of it. I might have been pushed a little bit due to a wedding or two but I think it was the right time for her. I’ve always prided myself on the fact that the tweenager has been able to sleepover at anybody’s house. Anybody. And I attribute that to the fact that she slept over at people’s houses from a very young age. Very young. So shouldn’t I be trying the same thing with the wee babe then if I want the same results? I think so. It’s just so damn hard. She’s so little and I HATE to see her cry even for a minute. It breaks my heart when I know that I can make it stop if she’s just with me. But whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger right? I’m sure she’s not going to die over there tonight so she can only be stronger.

Bon nuit ma beaute. Fait de beaux reve. Jusqu’a matin. I can’t wait to see you in the morning.

I’m going to start out with an update on the wee babe.

Wee babe update:

• She’s officially crawling. She’s actually moving in a forward motion with both her hands and feet. It’s really cute. Before I know it I’m going to have to be fencing her off.
• She’s also pushing herself into a sitting position.
• She’s loving her index and middle finger on her right hand to suck. She uses these to soothe herself a lot. It also helps her to go to sleep sometimes.
• She just cut her 6^th tooth! Feels like she’s been teething for half her life now…

At the dinner we had at my in-laws house, there were many presents from them, my belle soeur, relatives and friends that were given to us, the tweenager and the wee babe. The wee babe is now dressed from head to toe. There aren’t enough days in the week to wear everything once. She has more outfits than all of us put together I think (ok, maybe not me LOL!).

A moment of reflection:

I’m feeling really good about being back here. Since this is my fourth trip here, life is beginning to feel really familiar now. I remember how things work differently here and I can actually speak better French than I ever have. (OK, I didn’t say perfect by any means. Just better.)

Although, last night we went to one of my hubby’s friend’s houses and it was like a blast from the past when all the friends showed up. Talking too quickly with too much slang. I couldn’t keep up. It’s times like that that I wonder what they think of me, this mute foreigner who’s 6-7 years older than all of them. My internal dialogue takes over.

I’m sure I’ll improve. I was happy to have 30+ minutes with our hostess to catch up on the wee babe, her upcoming wedding and her new condo. She speaks great English and with my broken French it was a wonderful conversation. We figured out that we’ve spent four 1^st of August’s together. I’d say that it’s now a full fledged tradition.

A funny foreigner story:

My Swiss mister had left for the stag so it was just me and the girls who were left to do the first shopping trip. To be honest with you, I was kind of excited to be driving by myself and figuring out the shopping by myself without the assistance of the hubby.

We started the morning off right with a brunch at the mister’s parent’s house in the pergola. This was really welcome as we had no food in the house (yet) and I love eating outside in the company of his mom and dad and sister.

After that it was time to get on the road. The tweenager was so much help. We both successfully (after one wrong roundabout exit) got to the shopping centre. Then we were faced with the shopping cart that you need to insert a coin into to free it from the other cart ahead of it. Cue looming music. Since I only had a bank card and no actual cash we took the elevator up to see if we could find an ATM.

We walked around the mall for a bit, me trying to summon up the courage to ask someone for directions to the machine, if there even was one. Finally, I stopped a man and asked if he spoke English (yeah I know, chicken right?) he did and he instructed us one floor below. Then again I asked another man (this time in French) to the nearest ATM. Ok. Mission accomplished. I had the $50 Swiss franc in my hand. Alas, you can not stuff that into the cart so I needed to get change.

Over to another shop to try my hand at more French (getting more confident now) and I then had the 2 francs in my hand for the carte. A half hour after we arrived at the mall, I finally had the carte in hand. Now I just needed to make it through the grocery store.

The grocery store was fairly uneventful save for every single item in the store is in different packaging than what you’re used to and written in a different language (thankfully I brought my human translator with me). Oh, and it was also slightly embarrassing when I didn’t realized that I needed to get on the other side of the cart when going through the checkout so the cashier needed to help me.

Then the drive home. Wow, can I just take a moment to let you know how much my tweenager is growing up? She did about 80% of the navigating that was needed to get us out of our wrong turn. We drove around the little village of Bussigny for about 10 minutes before deciding that we needed help and that we were just going to go back to the hubby’s parent’s house to get a chauffeur back. We came back out to the main road and at the next set of lights I recognized the gas station where we normally turn. After that, the tweenager navigated us through the little streets and walla! We were back home.

I have a feeling I just made a memory

Tomorrow I’m going to have the tweenager on as a guest blogger on my site, giving us some of her thoughts on our cross Canada trip. I’m looking forward to that!!

I like life. I like lists. So it really rang true for me when you put them both together and create a list of things you want to do within your lifetime.

I put it up on a page as I want to be reminded all the time that there are things I want to do in life. I also want to have easy access to being able to update it at a whim. And as with all lists that I keep, the most satisfying part of them is putting items on the completed list.

So here it begins as another “new beginning”

My Life List

This is it. I’m starting it. Here I go.

This blog is meant to be a place for me to start writing about all the things that twist and twirl in my head. I meant to start one when the wee babe was born but never got around to it. Now with 3 months under her belt and 3 months to go until we leave on the trip of a life time, I’m starting a new beginning.

I realize that my memory isn’t getting any better. These entries are meant for me to look back on and say, “Oh yeah! I remember that!” or even “I DON’T remember that! That happened?!?!?”

So this is it, everything from thoughts, poems, life lists (Thanks MamaRobinJ for inspiring this), stories, baby stats, adventures, rants (I’m sure there’s going to be a few of these) laughter and bliss – this is what it’s all about. Oh, and I’m going to throw a recipe or two in as well.

I’m going to write for me, the future me who will read this later, not for everyone else that will say “gosh, she’s boring, I don’t want to know all about her baby-barf” – too bad. I know me and I know I will want to know all about that boring barfy stuff.

Here we freakin’ go baby!