EEeeeek! My tweenager is growing up!

Today we hit a milestone for her. She probably could have done this ages ago and she probably is totally embarrassed that I would draw attention to this fact but I’m sure every mother and father can relate.

My tweenager did everything this morning. By. Her. Self.

What’s the big deal you ask? Think about it.

When she FIRST started going to school, it was everything in my power to just get her to eat her breakfast at a clip faster than a turtle. And forget about shoes. Every morning I needed to ask her to put on her shoes and jacket. Every. Single. Morning. I swear, everything was a big deal. Getting out of bed. Brushing the teeth. Getting dressed. Doing her hair.

We had check mark lists. We had sticker systems. We had reminders. We tried to get up earlier. We tried to go to bed earlier. We tried changing the order of things around.

I lost my cool many times. She lost her cool many times. My hubby lost his cool many times. I remember even her and I having all out battles with me screaming at her and then dropping her off at daycare or school her crying, me crying feeling like a terrible mother…

Then she got older. And she stopped dilly dallying as much. She had more of an interest for time. She wasn’t perfect but she understood. But toast and/or cereal was still made for her. We needed to tell her to get dressed and brush her teeth. We needed to tell her how much time there was until we needed to leave. Counting down… 10 minutes… 5 minutes… You know how it goes.

And still she got older and she got an alarm. She knew how long she could sleep in and how long it took to get dressed. She knew when she needed to leave and what she needed to do to get ready. But we still got up with her. Helped her get breakfast ready and ate with her.

And then today. Both my hubby, me and the wee babe slept in. My tweenager got up, had a shower, fed herself, brushed her teeth, her hair, got her backpack ready, wrote me a note telling me to have a wonderful day and she was just about out the door when I woke up.

What the?!?!? You were going to leave without me getting up? I have mixed emotions about this. I’m freaking out a bit. The day has come where she is totally self sufficient. She doesn’t need me anymore. No more prodding. No more helping. No more hugs and kisses before you leave?

Stop right there.

There ain’t no way you’re walking out of this house without a hug and a kiss from me. You might be growing up but you’re still the little girl I BEGGED to put her shoes on not that long ago.

The difference is you’re all growed up.

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately. A lot. and I’m not sure this is a good thing because I think it’s been hindering me to actually blog.

Something is dwelling inside me that feels a bit like: I’m not as funny as her, I’m not as good a writer as her, I’m not as interesting, blah blah blah…It’s all in my head.

I have to look inside and see why I wanted to blog. What was my purpose? I want to blog about me, my family, my experiences. And I blog for me. Not for anyone else.

So, I want to blog about things that I want to remember.

I know something I want to remember.

I want to remember how incredibly excited I am right now. How fortunate I feel. I’m screaming on the inside with the biggest smile on my face. Waa hoo! Is all I want to yell.

We’ve got one month until we leave and then no ties. Well, there’s still a few ties, but I kinda feel like a kid again. Setting out on a BIG grandiose adventure. Not sure what’s waiting for me. Knowing there will be a few challenging times I’m sure, but the exploring and adventure will outweigh all of that.

Being outside. Camping. Taking photos. The unknown. Figuring it out as we go. Meeting new people. Making new friends. Learning new things. Watching my tweenager experience it all. Growing. Sharing it all with my Swiss mister. Being present.

I’m so excited I can barely contain myself. Seriously.

And I’ve got nothing to worry about as far as blogging goes. I’m going to have plenty to write about in one short month. Plenty baby. It’s going to be:

AWESOME!!!

This was a week for firsts for the wee babe (and me).

First was swimming. I was nervous as I always am when I’m doing something new and out of my comfort zone. If you can believe it, I was nervous about what the heck to do with her once we exited the pool. Not the actual act of swimming and how she would do. I guess I just knew she would like it since she enjoys her bathes.

So we got all ready to go to the pool. Bathing suited – off we went. We arrived and I saw a woman who had a little boy who looked like he might be a starfish like my little swimmer. Sure enough she was and she told me that the class was really easy and that they were doing dunking today but that I’m sure I wouldn’t have to do that since this was our first day.

Let me back up. When signed up for the lessons, the babe was 3 months. They can’t go until they are 4 months and since we’ve got this trip planned, I wanted to make sure we got into some lessons before we left otherwise, I just didn’t want to have another swimmer who was afraid to get her face wet until she was like 8. So when she turned 4 months she had a cold and an eye thing going on and then the next week was my ingrown toenails and thus now we are at this week, and four and a half months old.

So I strip her down and me down and I grab the car seat (because they don’t fit in the lockers so what are you supposed to do with them?!?!?) and her and head off to the spot where they all gather for starfish. In the water we go (there was about 6 mom’s and dad’s) and we practice back floats, front floats, “jumping” off the side of the pool, splashing, singing, back kicks, front kicks and of course bubbles. The babe didn’t smile but she didn’t cry either. There was this grimace on her face like “What the heck is going on? I’m not sure about this.” We’ll have to see what next week brings.

The class ends and now I’m at the point of where I’m just not sure how it’s all going to go down. So I grab the car seat, her and head off into a family change room. We rinse off in the shower. I get her changed (she’s not really impressed plus I think she’s tired now.) then strap her into the car seat and then I get changed. Walla! I’m done in 15 minutes. Thanks for the tip Megan!

I walk to the car and by the time I get there she’s asleep. Pretty tuckered after all that swimming

The next day we head off to Mother Goose. It’s a beautiful day so I decide I want to walk home from the Sidney Library (where Mother Goose is) so I need to catch the bus there. It’s 10.1 km’s by the way.

I get down to the bus stop and I start to get a bit anxious realizing I’ve never done this before. How do I store the stroller? Where do I get off on the bus? What if the babe starts to fuss? Breastfeeding on the bus? Didn’t someone get asked to leave because of that?

The bus pulls up and lowers itself so the stroller and I can get on. Walking on a moving bus with a stroller is no easy feat. We get to the area where the strollers can park and there’s already a stroller there. Also, the area where handicapped people can sit is taken as well. Hmmmmm… so I pull the stroller in perpendicular to the bus.

The bus driver pulls over. “You can’t block the aisle.” he says.

So I ask him how I should put the stroller.

“Not sure but you can’t block the aisle.”

I look at the lady who owns the stroller and she’s got her baby in her lap and her stroller is FULL of stuff. I’m panicking. “Should I get the next bus?” I ask him. No answer.

I look at my stroller and decide that I’ll have to collapse it even though I have tonnes of stuff in the bottom of it, I’ll have to pass my babe to some stranger to hold while I collapse it and the bus won’t start again until this is done.

Anxiety, panic, nervousness, everything that I was expecting to happen was happening.

Then someone suggests that we collapse the chairs in front so that we can park both strollers going horizontal. Success! Phewf! We did it and I didn’t need to catch another bus.

My nervousness subsides until I realize, how am I going to get the wee babe into the stroller without falling over. How am I going to get off the bus? What bus stop do I get off at…

Don’t worry, it all worked out in the end.

And Mother Goose was a success as well, save for the puke fest that the wee babe had during it. Oh, and I walked all the way home in the wonderful sunshine.

I have to get this out. Life is not always roses and rainbows. I’ve had a rough 24 hours dealing with relationships and parenting. You see, our family is a blended family and I’m a stubborn woman.

When I had my first baby 11 years ago, I did the single mom thing for 4 years until I met my husband which means to me that I have some experience and instincts with this whole mommy thing. Because my hubby didn’t have any baby experience behind him, he was worried that I would step in and control everything to do with our new wee babe. I am so extremely conscientious of this and try to bite my tongue and chose my battles wisely.

But over and above everything, if you’re not my husband, and I don’t ask you for your opinion regarding the rearing of my baby, I don’t take kindly to people dolling out what they think is best for my child. I have to stress “if I don’t ask for your opinion”. If I ask for your opinion, please feel free to give me as much advice as you would like. I’ll gladly listen, after all it was me who asked.

This is where it gets hard because my husband and I have run into a very small problem where we differ on one aspect of raising our baby (there will be more I’m sure). But it’s not the actual issue that we differ on, but it’s how it came to be. Someone gave my husband some advice. At first my husband was of the same opinion as I was where we didn’t necessarily agree with this person’s opinion. And then, out of nowhere he changed his mind. This is what irks me. Why are we now on different sides? Why are we now not playing for the same team? Why do I feel alienated and all the books that I’ve read and classes that I attend, the previous experience with my other child, the fact that I know our baby better than any one else – don’t add up to a hill of beans??

And so feelings got hurt, words were said, tears were shed and now I feel alone and upset and there’s a huge crack in our wonderfully loving marriage.

I need to feel secure in our relationship – that it’s us against the world. That he’s got my back and I’ve got his. Yes, we’re not going to agree on everything to do with the wee babe but we will bring all of our knowledge to the table and if we still differ then we should do research and talk to professionals to get back on the same page – together.

Children are not a one size fits all. Our child is strong (stronger than the average bear in my humble opinion). Our child didn’t gain weight quickly. Our child is our child and we know her better than any doctor or well meaning friend or relative. When the nurses and midwives told me that I might need to supplement the wee babe because of her weight issues, I stuck to my guns and did what I thought was right for her contrary to the professionals. She is gaining weight quickly becoming even stronger by the day. So not even the professionals are experts when it comes to your own child.

Professional opinions change and they change often. Is it back to sleep or sleeping on their stomach? How many times has this changed? Every professional has an opinion about co-sleeping. Breastfeeding? Should you breastfeed until their 3 months, 6 months, a year, two? You do what you think is best for your baby and what your family can handle. But it’s important that you come back to your partner sharing the knowledge of professionals and then together you make the decision for what’s right for your family.

My Swiss mister and I need to find the tools to be able to cope with this again when our opinions differ on the development and raising of our little girl. It’s no use going great guns at each other but instead I think we need to bring information and communication in a loving way to the table in order for us to make a informed decision for what’s right for our family.

My husband said it best when he said: “I really want this argument to be an opportunity for us to realize our differences, accept each others opinions and make it work through communication, understanding, patience and love.

Because the only thing we all want is to have a healthy and happy baby, sister, mama and papa.”

Go to sleep. Go to sleep. GO TO SLEEP!

As I sit here, my wee babe is crying. Crying. Crying. She’s in her crib, tired, fed, clean diaper, and she’s crying. I’m letting her “cry it out”. I started this 2 weeks ago and she did great. I guess I’ve let it slip and put her in her crib already asleep too many times so she forgets how to fall asleep now.

Sleep is a funny thing. People take drugs to go to sleep. People drink warm milk. They take hot baths. They meditate. Soft music. All in the name of sleep. Why is sleep such a tough commodity? Why do people need to “learn” how to fall asleep. It blows my mind.

Sleep baby sleep. Sleep now please. In my mind I’m slowly going crazy. I’ve reassured her a couple of times now. Should I pick her up? Will that undo all that I’ve done and ultimately I’m just going to have to put her back in her crib again hopefully asleep. Which again defeats the purpose of crying it out.

As I write, she’s calming down. I’m secretly wishing that by the time I’m done writing this blog she will be done crying. So I write and I write. Willing. Wishing. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s only got a diaper on. Maybe my husband is being too loud (AGAIN!). Or maybe she just really really really doesn’t want to go to sleep.

Wait. She’s slowing down. Oh no, no, she’s ramping up again. Sigh. This is beginning to drive me around the bend. Please baby please please stop! Learn how to fall asleep. You need to do it for your health and my sanity. Ok, so now it’s been an hour. Am I a bad mom? She’s never cried for so long before. I’m going to check on her.

I checked on her. There she was, on her back, red faced, tears streaming down, no where close to sleep. I gave in. Decided I better get a disposable diaper on her, put her in a onesie, swaddle her and breastfeed her to sleep in hopes that she stays asleep for a while. She’s back in her bed now. Asleep.

It didn’t go as I had planned but that’s ok. She’s where she needs to be. And I’m back where I need to be. Sanity is beautiful.