I like my lists. Love them actually. I read a post from a blogger lately of a gratitude list she made. I liked this idea to reflect, remember and add onto as I think of things.
I feel very fortunate lately for all the wonderful blessings that I have in my life. This is a place for me to gather them for times when I might be feeling a bit low.
Without further adieu, here is my gratitude list.
As you may know, we’re getting ready to put our lives on hold for 6 months in about a month and a half now. We’ve been preparing and preparing. Today, I spent a portion of it going through old cards and letters that had been collecting in a pile on the side of my desk and in two shoe sized boxes.
I’ve been putting this off and putting this off as I didn’t want to delve into my past. You see, I kept a lot of memorabilia from when I was growing up. Cards, letters from friends, letters from old boyfriends, letters from family, old ticket stubs, newspaper clippings… you get the gist. And I wasn’t really prepared to remember some of those things, those people from my past that might not be in my life anymore. But I did it, I reflected and I’m sure glad I did.
I went on a trip to Australia in 1996. I kept cards that I had received while I was over there that friends had sent me. It was sad to think about the friends that I’m not friends with anymore. Why? Did we grow apart? Did one of us move? Was there a falling out? I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m not exactly sure what happened to those friendships. And it makes me a little sad to remember those people and wonder what they are up to now. We were such good friends before. Through thick and thin – there for each other. And now no more.
And then there are the letters from the friends who I still keep in touch with. More accurately, she’s my best friend. I think about how strong that friendship must be to stand the test of time. How good a friend she is that she is still by my side – I think it’s been 20 years. Through thick and thin. Words can not express how happy and warm I feel when I think about this friendship.
And then I found a letter from my grandfather (whom is now passed away). It was in with my letters that I received in Australia but I don’t remember receiving it there. It was a really nice surprise to be able to read this again and remember him. I’ll keep it out for my mom and dad to read so they can have a good memory as well.
As I moved through the letters, I found all of the love letters I had kept from old boyfriends that I dated in high school and fresh out of high school. I really needed to ask myself, why did I keep these letters all these years? I looked at my baby girl and realized that I’m onto a totally different path now. I’m a different person. I’m a mother not a teenager. I’m not the person I was when those letters were written to me. Why keep them? What do they hold that I still need to feel? Nothing. So I took each and every one of them and shredded them. I feel like that chapter of my life is gone now. Maybe to be forgotten, but good. It was my past and it will stay there.
I then came across some letters that my husband wrote to me when we first started dating. We don’t have many of these in paper form as we did most of this writing on email (and you can believe I’ve kept every one of these emails) but the feelings that were conjured up when I read his words – they made me feel safe and secure and loved. They made me feel like this is the life where I am at now. I sent him a quick text message to let him know that I was thinking about him and that I loved him.
I looked at the baby that we have together and I thought about how I want her and her sister to grow up one day and read some of those letters and know the love that their mama and papa had for each other.
It was a good day. It was a day of reflection, closure, love, friendship, and memories.
A day that I was dreading but in the end it was perfect.
The soft July wind pushed past her sun kissed cheeks. Her little sister was busy frolicking in the surf and kicking the blow up beach ball through the waves daring it to go just a little further each time toward Greenland.
She was content. Warm. Happy. They had been on the road driving across the country for what seemed like weeks. They left the Pacific Ocean 22 days before. This was the first time she had stepped onto the beaches of the Atlantic. She’d been waiting and waiting.
Now she was here. iPod tuned to her favorite song, book at the ready, sunscreen applied, sun shining, blanket warming in the sand, frosty drink perched beside her and not a worry to get back into the car for another hour. Time to relax.
“Come play wit me.”
She turned to see her little sister pulling on her toe, begging her to get up.
“Beat it, I’m relaxing.” Her sister was 11 years younger than her. She loved her without a doubt but playing on the beach wasn’t really her thing anymore.
“Pwease??”
Those eyes. They pleaded with a longing that resembled a lost puppy dog. She feared that if she said no, her sister would burst into tears right then and there and then she’d have the wrath of her mother onto of her.
“Ok, but only for a few minutes.” Relaxing would have to wait.
“Sand cass-ew”.
“Sand castle? O.k.”
She grabbed some of her toys that hadn’t been played with in years. She remembered back to the last time she had used her pail and shovel reminiscing… realizing that now her sister would be making memories with these same toys that once were hers.
She dug in, pouring wet Atlantic sand into her pail, turning it over and repeating.
“Yay! Cass-ew! Cass-ew!”
Her little sister began collecting stones, shells, beach glass and sticks and decorating the castle that she was building. She was her little helper, doing and getting whatever she asked her to get. Never whining that she didn’t want to do it. She had a joy in her big blue eyes that only a little sister could have.
It grew bigger and bigger. She was really getting into this masterpiece of artwork. Her little sister by her side, working together with each other. Not just sisters but friends.
“Time to go girls.”
Disbelief. What about the iPod? The book?
She turned to her sister who was standing beside the glittering magical sand castle that they had created, grinning from ear to ear and realized that the pail and shovel were there all along to make a wonderful memory for her sister…. and one more for her.
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This post was prepared in response to a RemembeRED prompt for the Red Dress Club. The prompt asked the writer to write something about sand.
This post is fictional.
My talented tweenager wrote this for me on a day where she got in trouble for a few things. It’s so touching and beautiful I just wanted to share it with you all. It’s also a keepsake for me to look back on when the craft that she made me is old and tattered or lost even, I’ll still have this momento.
I love you too ma belle.
A gift is not always
sealed with a nice ribbon
sometimes you can’t even see it
or touch it
even feel it
you don’t even know that it’s there
but it always is.
In the darkest times
to the most beautiful
love is always present.
There is one person in my world who is perfect
I love her to the extreme
and she loves me back.
She is my mama.
For all the things I did wrong
I am sorry
and for all the good times
I’m thankful.
I say I love you.
- The tweenager, age 11 (2011)
Wet. Warm. Sweet smelling.
I love it when she pushes her warm face against my cheek, nose, chin, lips
and smashes her soaking wet tongue on me.
It’s a bitter sweet moment
where I can’t get enough of those smooshy kisses
and where the face licks are like a mini wash cloth.
But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Could you imagine if we all greeted each other this way?
There is something so precious
about the way a baby presses her full nose, chin and mouth across your face
as if you were her own personal napkin.
Something so loving and genuine.
Baby kisses.
